Will

bellatrixamici @ 12:55pm: Day 28
I woke up feeling a little out of sorts with a bit of a cough, but decided to power through and do the Shred workout. It was actually only hard at the end. My mind kept wandering while I was working out so that made it go by faster, though I had to keep telling myself to focus on doing the exercises correctly.
I figured out how to make the sit-ups more effective only recently, by keeping my eyes on the ceiling as much as possible, literally trying to look at the ceiling somehow makes me use my neck muscles less and my abs more.

Now to shower and head to a coffee shop to get some work done.

bellatrixamici @ 2:39am: What Awaits Me at Bedtime

amythekane @ 2:30pm: 2009 in Review
(Stolen from myself...from last year...wow this year went by fast.)

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Quit a job, traveled to the west side of the country.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make one this year?
No I didn't! Ugh. I don't think I'm gonna even bother making any this year because it doesn't ever work.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope, whew.

5. What countries did you visit?
None...too poor!

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
No debt (not gonna happen)...same answer as last year. So I think I'm also going to add a TV. I didn't own a TV in 2009, and I still don't to this day. But, my goal is to own one by the time LOST comes back on (Feb 2010)...so we'll see.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory?
The day my best friend came out to me, St. Patty's in Hoboken..although I quite honestly don't remember much..The P.S. 115 Astral Class Reunion/the night I met Matt and all that craziness started..The night before my birthday when I was at work until 4am, my actual awesome birthday, the MasterCard competitive presentation in June and how proud of myself I was, the day in August when I met with my boss and realized that I really didn't want to work at the company anymore, and as I was walking down 3rd avenue my future roommate told me that he was moving in with his parents, and I almost started freaking out but then got the biggest smile on my face because I knew that things were changing and I just had to let them change..The day I put my 2 weeks in, The day I got a call from my Dad saying my Mom was in the hospital and I was in the middle of Times Square working a random job and just took the next bus straight out to PA..Going to see the Notara Nutcracker...The day I woke up during my time being at home for Thanksgiving and found a job offer waiting for me.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Having the strength to quit my former job and secure a new one.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I'm just really bad with saving money and not going into debt. I don't know if that's a failure or not, but I'm just really really bad at it.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing major.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
New bedding...it's just, amazing. I really didn't buy much this year lol.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My Uncle Bob for letting me stay here rent-free, my parents for always being there for me, my friends from UM for still being awesome...Alex for just being an incredible person and dealing with so many stresses and trying to secure himself in his own identity...Jimmy for being an amazing teacher and actual grownup...Nikki for always giving me a dose of reality.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
at times, my own.

14. Where did most of your money go?
I don't even fuckin know.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Not much, and that was the worst part.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Don't Stop Believing by the cast of GLEE.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you
i. happier or sadder?
it's hard to say...I think overall I'm sadder in a general sense, but that's just because I've experienced more weighty things..I can't really explain it. At the moment, I'm happy though.

ii. thinner or fatter?
the same, unfortunately. 2009 was kind of a stagnant year with that. Once I move out of Canarsie I'll make sure I'm near a gym, etc.

iii. richer or poorer?
Blah.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
thought of things long-term.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
being lazy

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Not sure yet...but I don't celebrate it..and I will be working at my new job in between Christmas and New Years so there's really no point in going to PA during that time.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Not even close.

23. How many one-night stands?
a handful.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Mad Men still has me hooked, but the new shops that top my list are: GLEE, Modern Family, Cougar Town, The Middle, Community, and Parks and Recreation

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No way.

26. What was the best book you read?
I was in Target and saw The Five People You Meet in Heaven. I remember it being on Sarae Rinker's facebook page under "favorite books". I bought it and read it in the course of a few hours, and basically cried the entire time.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
GLEE.

28. What did you want and get?
time to think and figure things out.

29. What did you want and not get?
More money!

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Inglorious Basterds....amazing.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I actually had an amazing time on my birthday this year. I took a summer friday from work, and slept in. Then Haylee came over to help me get ready for my party..my party was the perfect party for me: BBQ happy hour + Karaoke at my favorite place, all under the umbrella of a 90's theme. Most of my favorite people were there (Alex and Jimmy even drove in from PA!)...I drank, yes, but definitely didn't get sloppy wasted..and it was just the perfect time.

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
In hindsight, I probably should have quit my job earlier...like maybe back in August. I let myself be miserable there for too long.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
It's actually gotten a lot more feminine. I think I've been a little inspired by Christina Hendricks' character on Mad Men (the voluptuous Joan!) and am more confident in having fun with my curves. It's gotten some great feedback :)

34. What kept you sane?
Summer weekends at Rockaway Gawdennnns.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Taylor Swift. That girl kicks ass! I wish her songs were around when I was in high school.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
So many...Healthcare, reproductive rights, equal marriage....but it's not even worth tapping into the issues because the debates themselves are so fucked up.

37. Who or what did you miss?
I miss living close to stuff...haah I'm out at the end of Brooklyn right now.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Will Wiseman. He's this dude from my old job who's like a freakin genius, and I worked with him a few MasterCard projects. I doubt he remembers me at this point, but I kinda just wanna be the female him in some capacity.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
Sometimes, you just gotta know when to peace the fuck out.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"Tell me this feeling will last til forever, tell me the bad times are clean washed away...please understand that it's still strange and frightening, for losers like I've been it's so hard to say..."

NEXT!


37 Questions about the year 2009

1) Was 2009 a good year for you?: Yes, because I learned a lot.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year?: The moment back in August when I was walking on 3rd ave that I realized things were changing, and I just had to let them change and it would all turn out okay.

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?: I can't really think of one defining awful moment.

4) Where were you when 2009 began? A random apartment party in Stuy-Town.

5) Who were you with?: A room full of people I didn't know, but it was cool because no one really knew each other, so everyone was just mingling.

6) Where will you be when 2009 ends?: Not sure yet, but somewhere in the NY area most likely.

7) Who will you be with when 2009 ends?: Not sure yet, but up for whatever.

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2009?: Hell Nah!

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2009?: NOPE

10) Did you fall in love in 2009?: Nope

11) If yes, with who?: N/A
12) If yes, do they know?:N/A

14) Do you regret it?: N/A

15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2009?: Nope

16) Did you make any new friends in 2009?: Not really, just keepin things going with my old ones :-)

17) Who are your favorite new friends?: N/A

18) What was your favorite month of 2009?: November was a really great time for me to just recharge my batteries and figure things out.

19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2009? Nope, too poor.

20) How many different states did you travel to in 2009? I actually did a fairly decent amount of domestic travel this year...I went to Florida in March for a much-needed beach vacation...and then just last week I visited Steph in Seattle!

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2009?: No, thank goodness.

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?: Not more than usual.

26) How many concerts did you see in 2009? I actually went to concerts...Cheryl and I saw Jason Mraz over the summer, and then in October we saw Kelly Clarkson. Both were amazing!

28) did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2009?: Only got crazy drunk a couple times, mostly just social.

29) did you do a lot of drugs in 2009?: Nah

30) How many people did you sleep with in 2009?: Three.

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?: Eh, what's the point.

33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2009?: I can't remember any major lies.

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2009?: Yes. Ugh.

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2009?: Just a little.

36) How much money did you spend in 2009?: Next question please.

37) What was your proudest moment of 2009?: I visited Jimmy's school recently and was a guest speaker for his class about working in media. The class does the televised morning announcements (just like we used to do back in HS!), and so he had me watch them put on the broadcast...it was amazing because I remembered being right there, and now I'm...well, I'm here. It was such an interesting feeling because damn it time really does fly.

bellatrixamici @ 12:45am: Ke$ha - TiK ToK [Official Music Video] [+ LYRICS] HQ

I fucking love this terrible song and the ridiculous video that accompanies it. At the end she actually shows us the sleazy, dirty rape-fest house party she was talking about for the whole song, complete with many a dude rockin' that sweet pederast mustache. Something about this being a sort of valley girl talking dirty talk in her pop-y hip hop song is compelling to me. And that chorus is to-die-for catchy - oh oh woah oh.
I want to fall asleep in a bathtub at the end of a long day of hitching a ride to Cory and James' Totally Badass Kegger 2009 BYOB like Ke$ha.

bellatrixamici @ 11:52am: Das Krankenhaus
Here it is - my Sequential Art final project from last year. We were to make a 4 to 6 page comic about, well, whatever we wanted. I choose part of my study abroad experience in Germany, summer of 2007.


Das Krankenhaus

It's been about a year since I sent this to the printers. I got the final printed comics this August and I never really shared the final product. Das Krankenhaus is German for Hospital, but directly translated means "sick house".
I've uploaded the scans from the printed comic (not the best quality but pretty decent). I've included a detail view as well as an overall view. It's short, but I liked playing with all the different media.

( Read more... )

bellatrixamici @ 3:28am: Day 27
I did the shred workout earlier, but forgot to post in the midst of getting ready for our Thursday show. I felt lots of endurance today while going through it, even though I hadn't eaten anything. Well, that meant I started having lots of muscle pain towards the end. I need to figure that out, eating before working out but not too close.

I'm trying to let the negative feelings and energy that slither into my brain like a succubus slide away, but it's easier said than done. How can you change years of fear in a snap? Mostly I'm tired of the "I-wish-I-were-dead" feeling I get after awkward improv shows. It's so pressing and deep it drives me insane. Like someone's pinching me and I can't get away. hardy har har tormented artist. I hate that too. I hate myself for hating myself.
I feel like I can't really tell anyone how I feel, at the root, because they don't actually just want to hear what I have to say.

bellatrixamici @ 2:01am: I cannot get enough late night partying/hanging out these days. Oh man. I love it.

bellatrixamici @ 12:25pm: Day 26
Interval training is the best for me. I get the results I want, in a short amount of time. I just have to keep it up!

Bleeeeehhhhhhh exercise. The Shred workout has you do lots of jumping jacks in the workout, and that reminds me of elementary school PE. I dreaded PE as a kid, especially in Graham, Texas where the PE teachers would mostly just make us run around a track every day because they were too damn lazy to come up with creative ways to exercise. And then they would stand off to the side drinking Diet Coke while yelling, "Pick up your stride, Beeler! Hustle! Hustle!" I silently cursed them and continued to make up little stories in my head as I kept up a weak jog around the track. In later years when we moved onto Team Sports I often had enough pent up aggression to pull from, but at some point I became afraid of the ball hitting me and so I'd move away from it. The best PE class I ever had we just played 4 Square every day, I was good at 4 Square. In high school I took dance instead of PE, which was fun, but once again it was, "Stand behind me, Beeler, watch my feet, Beeler!" I had no rhythm until I discovered my hips at age 16.

I excelled in a lot as a kid, but never in PE, dance, ...or math, for that matter.

bellatrixamici @ 1:47am: How could I forget about the importance of living in the moment? Everything I love to do is best done while living fully and completely in the moment. But I did, I forgot.
And I suffered for it, pointlessly.

No more. Today is a new day.

bellatrixamici @ 12:34pm: Breaking New Ground
It's been a good week and a long but overall good weekend so far. Almost every night this week Roy and I hung out with friends and drank, watched movies, played boardgames, jumped around, or took on an ill-conceived project (like recording a drunken podcast). We had friends sleep over at our house and it was great. Sometimes I feel like I take life too seriously and that we are all on a race to grow up into "adults", but really, spending time having fun with my friends is more important than any of that to me. Life brings strife naturally, might as well have fun with the people you love when you can.

Unfortunately, I still get stressed out and worried over all the improv shows we do. I want so many things to happen in them. I want the audience to have a good time, I want the players to have a good time, I want people to challenge themselves, I want to break new ground, I want to play with both comedy and drama, I want to present shows as theatre - with themes, philosophies, ideals, I want the narratives to be smooth and to wrap up nicely, I want a wide character variety to be showcased, I want some historical truth, I want people to be playful, I want people to act well, I want the audience to laugh and I want them to gasp.
An audience can absolutely love a show, can be blown away with it, and I can still be unhappy. But I'm reaching for something. I know it's possible and I'm trying to get there, and lead a bunch of people there with me. It's so hard sometimes. I feel so sick on Saturdays I have a hard time eating and then by the end of the night I'm starving. I did shows at 6, 8, and 10pm last night and by the end of it I was just drained.
I really love directing improv shows, it's just hard to have expectations for your friends. I can't give notes after shows because I don't want to drag people down to a negative place right after we did a good show, or a great show. I have to let my thoughts stew and then present exercises and explanations for the next rehearsal. It should be constructive and helpful, not bitter and frustrated.
I wear my emotions on my sleeve and everyone is always around.
I suppose caring a lot and having a vision is important. Even if my vision is never fully and completely realized I have gotten very close and presented something completely new. I just wish I could turn off my emotions sometimes. I guess it's something to work on.

There's still lots more to do. I got more Christmas shopping done yesterday with Val, that was fun and productive. A dress that I loved but was too expensive before was on sale and I snatched it up. Work looms on the horizon. I am trying every day to be grateful and happy.

coxcomb_red @ 7:04pm: 1oudtw337s

• 15:13 i wanna go to LA #

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zinereem @ 1:46pm: fun times
Kaci and Val took off to the Blue Genie Art Bazaar, so I took Tuesday to the park for a walk this morning. Tuesday LOVES the park. Loves it so much that if you say "Do you want to go for a walk" she starts freaking out and whining and dancing around. I realize that we're only encouraging this behavior by being delighted by it, but whatever.

Here's the agenda for a walk to the park.

1) Walk up the street to South 1st. Walk over to Powell.
2) At this point you're at the top of a hill, so after making Tuesday sit down, start a race to the bottom, running like hell.
3) Walk to the middle of the park (actually the field of an elementary school (Dolphin Pride!)
4) Throw the ball using the plastic atlatl-like device that slings the ball super far.
5) Get cuted out by Tuesday running her little fluffy heart out to fetch the ball.
6) Repeat steps 4 through 6 until Tuesday starts dropping the ball halfway or sitting down to take breaks.
7) Walk back to the Moonbase.
8) Watch Tuesday pass out on the futon.

Today the pattern was interrupted by a visitor. I'd slung the ball about 30 times or so, and was doing so again when something large wooshed by me, passed up Tuesday and snatched up the ball. It turned out to be our neighbor's black and white border collie, an affable guy who's been there for years and years. Lately Tuesday's been sneaking out of a hole in our fence to go visit him, so I reckon they're friends.

Anyhow, it turns out that this dog is actually a much better behaved fetcher than Tuesday. He comes straight back to you and drops the ball a few feet out so that it rolls right to you. Tuesday tends to sidestep you and drop the ball a little ways off so that she can try to grab it from you.

At any rate, this dog is way larger than Tuesday, so to be fair, I had to sling the ball near Tuesday so that she'd at least have a chance of getting it.

They both had a blast, and when it was time to go, I walked the dog over to his front yard. Well, he led the way, actually. The fence around their front yard is wooden and short, so I think he can pretty easily leap over it when properly motivated. He waited patiently by the gate, which I opened for him, and he barreled into the yard. A pleasant visit!

I do like to imagine him hearing the sounds of "Fetch!" and "Good dog!" being carried over by the wind to his yard until he couldn't stand it anymore and just had to join us.

coxcomb_red @ 7:03pm: 1oudtw337s

• 21:27 Ok, can't go shopping for the next 2 years. #
• 03:56 4am spring cleaning attack (winter version), now have 2 big bags to schlep to Buffalo Exchange tomorrow. #
• 11:55 Even war just feels better with Obama. RT @bradicaltwits military offensive in Afghanistan is codenamed "Cobra's Anger." Where can I enlist? #
• 13:49 @jennalisetwits I actually kind of like make my line, because they somehow managed to make it even gayer than any previous incarnation #

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coxcomb_red @ 7:00pm: 1oudtw337s

• 21:35 NatGeo's Aftermath: Population Zero is really getting me in the mood for tonights Hills/City finale extravaganza! #

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bellatrixamici @ 4:12pm: Day 25
This cold front we've had roll in makes me want to do absolutely nothing, so I'm trying to fight that. I forced myself into my workout clothes today and did the Shred workout. I'm getting tired of the level 1 workout but the level 2 is really hard on the knees so I'm definitely going to buy a new DVD soon. A livejournal friend of mine posted a video of cute little Korean girls dancing in a music video and it was adorable and motivating (cause they look so tiny and fit). Maybe I should watch something like that everyday for motivation.